Friday to Sunday

The first weekend

After a few false starts and months of fear and pain,  I took the "deal" offered to me.  It wasn't a good deal but at the end of the day, it is time for me to start making amends and being a man - a man who takes responsibility for his actions.

So, the Judge (who was actually pretty cool) gave me until 1:00 to "check-in" (my term).  I was able to change into "comfortable" clothes.  I was able to get a lot of things accomplished and felt pretty confident on my walk to the check-in. 

My life has always had a sound track and there are certain songs which are very meaningful to me in relation to certain events in my life.   For example, the theme for Brideshead Revisited reminds me of college..you get the idea.

My song for this adventure is "Such Good Luck" from the Downton Abbey soundtrack...haunting, sad but somewhat hopeful.

Unfortunately, there is nothing about this song that attaches to my next four days.  I would love to say that they were a "nightmare" but that's a little too dramatic, Kathleen.  Lets just say they were trying.

The court, the jail and the entire system migrated to a new system over the past week.  It has not been a success. As a result, I sat over the LMDC for about 2 days in my "comfortable clothes" which were increasingly uncomfortable.  I was later sent to a holding cell for another 2 days.  Nevertheless, I was serene.  Not 100% of the time but whenever my fear would get the best of me, I would meditate, pray and create a gratitude list.  No matter what happens, I am so lucky because it could have been worse, I have found some absolutely wonderful friends and am looking forward to my continued sobriety.

I realized that pretty much everyone in my cell had been locked up for drugs or domestic violence or both -- except for these two young kids who got arrested for throwing rocks at a police car...not that bright but based on their abject horror, I think they may have learned their lesson.

I did see a couple of examples of people who were in absolute addiction.   One guy kept hoping to get out so he could get with his dealer and get some heroin...all the while dope sick and detoxing.  Another was waiting for Home Incarceration but in reality anxious for heroin.  There was a myriad of detox examples.

One guy faked a seizure hoping he could go to the medical floor; it didn't work.

I noticed that a number of the inmates complained about the

And the food...the food...I will probably lose a bunch of weight over the next several months. However, the food was effectively inedible - lots of carbs, almost no protein and fruit was non-existent.   This is all good; I had packed on a lot of weight in the past couple of months and can stand to lose about 40 lbs.

There was a TV and was on FX all weekend.  That was good for me. Sitcoms and old movies.  I loved it.  No one else did.  I had to fake it that I didn't care one way or the other.

Generally though the days were boring.  I was able to 12-step a few people but I was pretty selective about it.  I am pretty new at this and don't want to do to more harm than good...sticking to my own story makes it pretty easy; telling the truth makes it easier

The computer problems had effectively immobilized the court.   No one could come in; no one could go out.  No one knew where anyone belonged or what their next steps were.  It was a crazy time.  In addition, no one could make calls...it was sort of crazy as you had to have a number input into the system to "charge calls" to but they could not input the numbers so unless you had a pre-existing number, you were SOL.

The issue was so intense, and the jail was increasingly becoming overcrowded. I overheard one of the guards say that they had put out a broadcast not to arrest anyone.  Add to this the regular crazies - the drunken fools who populate the jails on weekend nights.....

One of the fools was a marine who was so drunk and belligerent that he backed up the toilet in his holding cell with his own clothes...they dealt with him but the humorous thing is that he was really a nice guy and it just seems that whiskey ("the brown stuff") is not his friend - nor was it mine.

The computer issue did get me down, though.  I was very happy and grateful not to have the fear of what I did, what was going to happen to me and what would happen next.  I am so thankful to God and my sponsor for teaching me that.

That is not to say that I didn't experience fear.  I did - a lot of it. I was extremely nervous about the whole process - from court, to jail, to waiting for CCC, to how to get in and out of CCC, orientation, the rules, the timing, how to conduct myself at CCC...all kinds of snafus waiting to happen...some did; some didn't...but it all happened the way it was supposed to and in God's plan.

So, I spent most of Sunday wondering if I was going to CCC.  Finally I got called and told that I was being transferred....which was a relief but as usual, Pandora opened another box of fear and fun.